Hymen, Menstruation, and the Society's Disfavored Beliefs
After only a few days of their marriage, Leila was severely inhumanly beaten by her husband for not shedding her virgin blood, and finally, her life fell apart
By Mahbubeh Amini and translated by Asadullah Jafari “Pezhman”
The Unfair Culture
I remember some of my childhood dreams very well. One of these cases I remembered clearly and was always in front of my eyes was, "I wished I was a boy." This issue was very clear because of the clichéd and wrong gender customs of our society, which were engraved in people's minds from the distant past and transmitted from generation to generation. Everyone welcomed this unfair culture without anyone thinking about it, doubting and correcting it.
The Defenseless Mahram
Meanwhile, people and families said and believed that the boy went anywhere, did anything, said anything, and... there was no problem because he was a man. But the girl should understand her going out, sitting, standing up, talking, and laughing in the family and society because girls' societal movements cause shame to the families. Therefore, girls should not go anywhere alone; there should be someone with them as a Mahram or confidant. Even a defenseless child who was not able to defend himself was sent with a girl as a companion and mahram, and the families were very relieved as well. (Mahram Is a Member of one's Family with Whom Marriage Would Be Considered Haram or illegal in Islamic Societies).
The House Works Is Never the Duty of Men But of Women
Apart from these, the people of our society have always believed that women and girls should do all the housework because housework is only for women and is never men's duty. However, I somewhat broke the line of injustice in my family. My brothers also helped and cooperated with me in housework. Later, my parents also agreed with me instead of against me.
The Virginity, Period, and Misconceptions of Traditional Society
Another point worth pondering was the issue of clichéd and wrong beliefs about girls' hymen and periods and the lack of awareness of the majority of people in our society about these two issues, which have been very annoying to me. Because every girl should be a virgin on her wedding night and in her first sex, this is also nothing. But another issue that was and still is very annoying for girls in our traditional societies is the lack of knowledge of people and families about medical and natural points about the hymen and their types.
I Wished There was no Girl Gender
At the same time, cruel, ignorant, brutal, unfair, and far from human principles have been treated by the bridegrooms, their families, and relatives towards the girls who did not bleed during the first sexual intercourse on the wedding night. Hearing the stories of these encounters hurt my soul so much that a naïve thought occurred to me that I wish the female gender never existed. This thought and imagination were not fair to women's existence. When some girls did not have hymen bleeding during the first sexual intercourse, few of their marriages remained stable. However, most of these girls were divorced after one or more years. Otherwise, the woman would be looked down upon for the rest of her life.
In recent times, such inhumane encounters in societies regarding the above issue have usually decreased and have been intermittent in terms of time and place. Unpleasant sensitivities have increased in some people and some areas and dropped in some people and some sites. The amount also depends on the awareness and knowledge of the people's society regarding natural and medical points about the hymen and the mutual understanding of people from each other.
Leila Became the Saddest Girl in Town
I would like to mention a little bit about one of the most notorious cases of virginity in our society. Here, Leila is a pseudonym. After only a few days of their marriage, Leila was severely inhumanly beaten by her husband for not shedding her virgin blood, and finally, her life fell apart. After taking their property from Laila's family, the groom's family returned her to her father's house. Leila's life had become completely lost and confused. She had become the saddest girl in town, Leila had become isolated from society and family, and... Such encounters are considered far from humanity and human greatness in society. In this case, humane solutions should be sought instead of inhuman violence.
Shameless and Rude
Most importantly, talking and asking about menstruation and virginity is considered a shameful and ugly thing in the minds and beliefs of the people of the society. They would be regarded as shameless and rude if someone talked about it. Parents were the decision-makers for girls' marriages. Fortunately, this trend is decreasing, and I hope that this phenomenon of forced choices in girls' marriages will be eliminated entirely.
Being a Feminine Elegance
I don't know boys and don't want to judge anyone. But most girls' goal after finishing school or university was only to get married and start a family. Nevertheless, most girls did not consider continuing their education, becoming independent, being different, and changing their lives. Some still live in such conditions in most parts of Afghanistan's society. In short, when I grew older and distanced myself from childhood, I became more at peace with myself. I never wished to be a boy again because I accepted and loved myself, the nature and elegance of my femininity, and the world of my femininity.
Wrong and Inappropriate Gender Customs
Now I understand that humanity does not know the gender. A woman has her world, and a man has his world, and they have no superiority over each other. Therefore, only wrong gender customs have caused many miseries, differences, inequalities, and oppression towards everyone. Sometimes, it burdens the woman and sometimes the man; that is, both categories of "most women" are victims of wrong and obnoxious gender customs. Hoping for the days when darkness and ignorance will be dissolved, and no one will burn in the fire of ignorance and injustice.
Mahbubeh Amini holds a bachelor's degree in sociology from Herat University, Afghanistan. Ms. Amini writes reviews and stories about society and gender discrimination most of the time.
